We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
