I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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