I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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