I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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