careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
