it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
