I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
