I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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