there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
