I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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