If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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