when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
