You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
