i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize