maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
