i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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