Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
