What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
