his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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