why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
