Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
