The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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