I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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