I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
