i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
