The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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