i jhust puked up my retainher.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
