Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
