Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
