I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They took my balls.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
