I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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