he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
