I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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