life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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