Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
