maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
