Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
God, I missed his penis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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