You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
