How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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