Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
These tits shall not be calmed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
