I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
