Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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