Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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