So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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