I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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