Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
