bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You ate ashes out of my bong
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
