Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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