If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
