I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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