I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
