I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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