Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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