I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
