Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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