Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
its not stalking. its research.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
