Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
