I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
