Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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